Today I listened to a song by Audiomachine called Try Again Tomorrow. It got me thinking about something that’s been on my mind for awhile now, and I figured it was time to finally write about it.
We’ve all heard the famous quote Yoda tells Luke Skywalker in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back, right? “Do, or do not. There is no try.” I recently watched a movie on Mindfulness (another subject I’ll probably get to one of these days) that used this quote. I really love the other concepts Mindfulness teaches, and I love Yoda and Star Wars, but this quote has always sort of bugged me.
The way I look at it, if there is only doing or not doing, then there’s only success or failure, and that would mean I fail A LOT. Mental illness makes “doing” so much harder. Sometimes I don’t do, but not for lack of trying. Really, trying is an act of doing, isn’t it? I’m sure we all also know the proverb, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
Today I tried getting my son to play a board or card game with me. He didn’t want to. But the fact that I was even able to motivate myself enough to try was huge! I’ve been in a very bad place lately. My depression, anxiety and OCD have all been extremely debilitating. I’ve retreated to getting lost in books or watching shows on my computer, leaving my son to play games on his tablet all afternoon. I feel horrible when I do that, feel like I’m being the worst mom in the world, but my mental illness is so bad, I don’t do anything about it. But today I tried, and just because I wasn’t successful, doesn’t mean I won’t be tomorrow.
And beyond that, maybe it isn’t always about succeeding or failing. Maybe it’s about the journey, the lessons, about simply living life. But that’s a whole other subject, worthy of its own post. Stay tuned . . . !